KS Proof in TOS
by Keptin KirkSpock
Summary: I really miss 'AnalysationCommentary of TOS for KS' by Brittany Diamond, so I decided to start analysing the episodes and movies she had not done and decided to share in case anyone else was missing cute K/S moments and proof all compiled in one place as well.
1. Author's Note

Hello fellow Spirk shippers, Trekkies, or anyone else who may be reading this.

I'm sure you are familiar with the project started by Brittany Diamond, 'AnalysationCommentary of TOS for KS,' and if you're not, GO READ IT! I absolutely adore it and I used it as a faithful guide for the entire first season and half the second season. However, I'm sure you all ran across the same thing with the project, it isn't finished and hasn't been touched in a long time.

I decided that I didn't want to live without a K/S guide, it's just too useful to have all that information at your fingertips, so I decided that I would try my hand at analyzing the rest of the TOS episodes and the films, including reboot.

I will not be doing episodes analysed by Brittany Diamond, so if you are looking for episodes 1-43, then please go read hers! They're fantastic!

My intention by continuing on this lovely project idea is not to offend anyone. If you'd prefer not having analysis to reading mine, I completely understand, I just thought that I would put mine out there in case there were other Trekkies who felt similarly to me and missed having a guide, or even just fellow people to speculate and squeal with.

I welcome comments and ideas and suggestions, so please feel free. (:

I will be picking up with Episode 45, "A Private Little War" and hope you will join me on the Spirk journey.


	2. A Private Little War

**Author's Note: **Okay, so as I said in the preface for this project, I am picking up on the next episode, I will also be going in the order that episodes were filmed, that episode order list is on Wikipedia. Netflix unfortunately doesn't go in that order. _Sigh._

So, I am doing these analyses while watching these episodes for the first time. I am learning and analyzing along with you guys. Please feel free to point things out to me or tell me moments in the episodes that you like!

My style will be different in how I write and comment and do these. I'm a different writer. If you'd prefer to not embark on these, that's fine! If you still want to sail the Spirk journey, please read on, comment if you'd like. (:

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Star Trek. If I did, I wouldn't be analyzing it. I'd be telling you the what for. xP

"A Private Little War" 

Teleplay by: Gene Roddenberry

Directed by: Marc Daniels

_((An epi written and directed by friendlies? Eeep!))_

The episode starts off with a nice _((unnecessary))_ view of the enterprise then a cut to McCoy taking samples of the plants and talking to Kirk via their communicators. McCoy says he'll be done in thirty minutes and that the plants are super awesome and Kirk says that he hasn't seen any natives.

We then see that Jim is with… Spock! Surprise, surprise!

Spock is looking at prints. Apparently they belong to a Mugato but it's okay because the tracks are old and the Mugatos move around a lot.

Spock: Aside from that, you say it's the Garden of Eden.

Kirk: Or so it seemed to the brash young Lieutenant Kirk in charge of his first planet survey.

_(Awww, young bright eyed Kirk.)_

Spock: Class "M" in all respects. Quite Earthlike.

Kirk: Except these people stayed in their Garden of Eden. Bows and arrows for hunting, but absolutely no fighting among themselves. Remarkably peaceful and tranquil.

_(This whole Garden of Eden thing is a recurring topic in Star Trek. This is, what? The third episode we've seen where that reference is made?)_

Just in time to make Kirk's statement hilarious, a random voice yells: HO! TAKE COVER HERE!

Spock and Kirk run up the hill and towards the danger like the heroes there are and HOLY SHNIKE! There are men with guns! Primitive society _what_? Peaceful _who_?

Spock: Bows and arrows, Captain?

_(Spock makes the jab for me. I can't help but die at him being so sardonic.)_

Kirk: Villagers with flintlocks, that's impossible. They hadn't progressed nearly that far.

Spock points something out to Kirk, who makes a cute little visor over his eyes with his hands and surveys the land before him. There are four natives, who look a lot more, well _native_, with their loincloths, bows and arrows, white powdery wigs, and glittery triangles on their foreheads. They look like cavemen who met Lady Gaga.

_(In the words of the genius Brittany Diamond… Yay 60's.)_

Kirk: One of those men walking into ambush is Tyree, the friend I lived with here.

The sniper takes aim and Kirk takes out his phaser, to you know, save his old roommate from getting his brains blown out. Spock then decides to rain on his parade a little bit.

Spock: Captain… Use of our phasers is expressly forbidden.

Kirk doesn't let this get him down for long, being Mister Resourceful and Quick Thinking, and grabs a rock instead. He lobs it at the sniper. It startles him and he jumps, misfiring the shot and giving away his position.

_(Geez. What kind of sniper is he? Don't let this guy do any serious assassinations, please. JFK would have had a much better outcome if this guy had been behind the barrel.)_

Kirk's plan works, sort of. He saves Tyree, but now the men with guns are chasing them. Dramatic music and running ensues!

McCoy contacts the enterprise to say that the landing party is ready to beam up. Spock and Jim are running to meet McCoy when… BOOM! Vulcan down. Spock falls to the ground and we even see the back of his shirt soaked with green blood.

_(Naaaooo! Bb!)_

Jim turns and runs to him without a second thought. Spock is lying face down on the ground so Jim rolls him over and takes him into his arms.

Kirk: Spock!

_((He doesn't yell it like he usually does when Spock hurts, since they're being chased and all. It's still cute though.))_

Kirk: Your phaser!

It's no longer on Spock's body and Jim looks around for it for a moment. He finally spots it a couple feet away, and scrambles over to get it, taking aim at the armed natives who are coming over the top of the hill.

_((But Kirk! Aren't phasers expressly forbidden? Wouldn't you be- Oh, you don't care because you've gotta protect your man? Then by all means, carry on.))_

_((I'd also like to add that when he checks for Spock's phaser, he actually puts his hand on his hip. No, it isn't slashy to touch him in this situation, but contact like that is still UNF. I wouldn't try to convert a nonbeliever with this scene, but us shippers can enjoy it. (= ))_

Spock: No, Captain. I can travel.

Kirk listens to him, then proceed to grab Spock under the arms and haul him to his feet.

_((This body contact: UNF.))_

They run to McCoy in this same position, with Kirk lifting Spock up. Awww. Necessary? Yes. Cute? Also yes.

Kirk: Beam us up, hurry!

_((He's too cute when he's urgent.))_

They beam up as the villagers run towards them. The villagers are understandably confused. They have guns, but no 23rd century technology.

_((Laaaaaame. Who needs guns when you have teleportation?))_

TITLES!

Back on the enterprise, the medical team on standby puts Spock face down on a gurney then gets to work with their fancy medical equipment. Nurse Chapel sprays what looks like a sparkly silver Brillo pad and hands it to McCoy.

_((Dat sponge. Snort.))_

McCoy: Lucky his heart's where his liver should be or he'd be dead by now.

Close up of Jim, biting his lip, not looking very relieved.

_((Translation: Fix him, damn it, you're a doctor!))_

Chapel, McCoy, and Random Man Nurse continue to work on Spock.

Jim: Can you save him?

Cricket, cricket.

_((No, seriously, they all completely ignore him. Way to leave a man hanging.))_

The ship then goes into red alert and Uhura is making the announcement to battle stations. Kirk reluctantly, but dutifully, goes to the transporter to contact the bridge.

Uhura: We have a Klingon vessel on our screens.

Kirk: On my way.

He starts to leave, telling Scotty to come with him. They're nearly out the door when Kirk spins around and just stares for a moment.

_((We all knew he wasn't going to leave without looking back.))_

Kirk: Bones…

McCoy: I don't know yet, Jim.

Close up on Jim, who sets his jaw, wearing the most 'Ima go save the day, I want my eye candy first officer by the time I'm done' face I've ever seen.

_((Really, though. There's no part of this that isn't heart wrenchingly adorable. Even in the face of a red alert, Jim has to stop and look back at Spock. Yes, he leaves to do his job. He's the captain, he has a ship to protect, he's not needed at Spock's bedside and he is needed on the bridge. Still, he approaches McCoy twice in that same low warningly address of _"Bones…"_ He knows that McCoy has nothing to report, he knows that he's doing all he can, it's just a way of him saying "Bones, I NEED you to save him because I NEED him!" except he conveys it all in one word. UNF. Shatner, my love for you is unbridled.))_

On the bridge, Chekov says he doesn't think the Klingons see them, then Uhura confirms that and says they're contacting their home base and have no clue that the enterprise is in orbit, so Kirk orders yellow alert. He sits down and asks Chekov if he can keep them out of sight.

_((I can do zat!))_

Chekov says he'll try.

_((I can maybe do zat!))_

Kirk says no contacting Starfleet until they know what's going on, because it'll give their location away. Scotty interjects that they may have to fall out of orbit to remain hidden.

Now with al that out of the way, Kirk calls… sickbay.

Kirk: Kirk to sickbay.

McCoy: McCoy here. I'll call you as soon as I know anything. Sickbay out.

Jim just stares at the comm, looking away when he realizes that McCoy has no update. He then smacks the button to hang up in defeat.

_((Awww, bb. He's so worried about Spock and there's absolutely nothing he can do, it's clearly killing him.))_

Kirk takes a moment to collect himself then gets up to start talking to Scotty, Uhura, and Chekov again.

Kirk: So, they've broken the treaty.

Scotty: Not necessarily, Captain. They have as much right to scientific missions here as we have.

Kirk: But research is not the Klingon way.

_((I'm going to go ahead and make the assertion that Kirk isn't 100% himself. His tone conveys that he's not feeling stellar, he's definitely not happy, and why would he be? He's got a convoluted mission on hand and his first officer might be dying. No one would feel completely up to par. Yes, I know that him being concerned isn't slashy proof in and of itself, but we know their history and it's cute. Plus, soft Shatner is sweet.))_

Scotty: True, but since this is a hands off planet, how are you gonna prove they're doing otherwise?

Kirk: When I left there, 13 years ago, those villagers had barely learned to forge iron. Spock was shot with a flintlock. How many centuries between those two developments?

Uhura: On Earth, about 12, Sir.

Scotty: On the other hand, a flintlock would be the first firearm the inhabitants would normally develop.

Kirk: Yes, I'm aware of that, Mr. Scott.

Chekov: And, Sir, the fact that Earth took 12 centuries doesn't mean they had to.

_((Because humans aren't the most advanced creatures in the galaxy, or the ones who develop and evolve at the most rapid pace. We've seen this continually in TOS. God, I love this show.))_

Uhura: We've seen development at different rates on different planets.

_((I wish everyone was like you, Uhura.))_

Scotty: And if there were the Klingons behind it, why didn't they give 'em breechloaders or machine guns?

Uhura: Or old-style hand lasers?

Kirk: I did not invite a debate.

_((Ooooh, baby, you give me chills when you get all captainy.))_

Everyone gets quiet and looks around awkwardly since Kirk isn't usually snappy with his crew. Almost immediately after his outburst there is some emotional love song melody that cues in to set the mood. Kirk softens, clearly feeling bad for being so ill tempered.

Kirk: I'm sorry. I'm worried about Spock, and concerned about what's happened to something I once knew down there.

_((I'd venture to say that the melancholy behaviour is because he's worried about Spock. Yeah, he's concerned about the mission without a doubt, but just watch when he mentions Spock. He looks away and says it in this 'I'm REALLY worried but I'm still good, cause I'm the keptin,' sort of way. It's just speculation, but we've seen him bothered about missions before, [see: _The Garden of Eden_ or _Bread and Circuses_] this is a different behaviour. I'm pretty sure the music is for Spock, too. Just saying.))_

Kirk: You have the con, Scotty, I'll be at sickbay.

_((He doesn't waste any time. Awwww.))_

We see Spock unconscious in the sickbay, Random Man Nurse tells McCoy and Chapel that Spock will either live or die on his own accord because Vulcan physiology don't need no medicine. It fixes itself…or it doesn't. You know, whichever.

McCoy approaches Kirk, who is putting on his strong face.

_((Seriously, he's so cute here. Awww, bb. Kirk's face is heart wrenching through this whole scene, please watch it and feel my pain!))_

McCoy: He'll live or die, Jim. I don't know which.

Kirk sets his jaw and just stares at Spock, letting the intense instrumental music speak for him.

Random Man Nurse is monitoring Spock.

Kirk is still staring holes that could burn through the sun.

McCoy looks at Kirk, then glances at RMN, then back to Kirk, reassuring him by saying that RMN interned in a Vulcan ward…oh, and apparently he's a doctor…but Spock couldn't be in better hands.

At the reassurance, Kirk offers a tiny smile, the first we've seen since Spock got shot. He then stops, looks down and collects himself.

Kirk: Then you and I are transporting down, Bones.

McCoy: I can't leave Spock at this time.

Kirk: You just indicated that you could. There are Klingons here. If their mission is a legitimate research interest in the planet's organic potential then you're the one man who can tell me.

McCoy: And if that's not it?

Kirk: Then I need help—advice I can trust as much as Spock's.

McCoy: I appreciate the compliment, Jim, but—

Kirk: Bones, I'm as worried about Spock as you are, but if the Klingons are breaking the treaty it could be interstellar war.

_((Alright, let's have a little look at that exchange. Kirk is worried, even though Spock is in the hands of the Competent Random Man Doctor—like, seriously, where has he been all the other 965,940 times Spock has gotten injured?—but there's a mission at hand. You can tell from his mannerisms and tone that he is resigned. There's probably a part of him that wants to sit vigilant at Spock's bedside, but he __**can't**__. He has to go do what he has to do. _

_The contrast between Kirk and McCoy's reactions doesn't imply that Kirk doesn't care as much as McCoy, we KNOW that isn't true. Even if we thought that Kirk and Spock were just friends, it still wouldn't be true. The reason they have those different reactions is a contrast in their archetypes. It's a pillar of the show, McCoy is emotion, Kirk is ethics, and Spock is logic. McCoy is exhibiting an emotional response, while Kirk is sucking it up, setting aside his own feelings, and going to serve the greater good. _

_That's __**why **__he's such a hero, that's why he's such a great captain. Because he does what he needs to do and he doesn't whine about it. We get to see his inner life though, and we see how hard it is for him. He might be going to save the day, but he isn't going to completely enjoy it, not without his Vulcan! _

_It's cute. Deal with it.))_

Kirk tells Scotty they're beaming down and Scotty says that they'll have to leave orbit soon and will be out of communicator range. Kirk decides they're going anyway and arranges rendezvous points and that's that.

_((Awww, listen to his voice and tell me that this change isn't because of Spock.))_

Captain's Log, Stardate 4211.4: Keeping our presence here secret is an enormous tactical advantage, therefore I cannot risk contact with Starfleet command. I must take action on my own judgment. I have elected to violate orders and make contact with planet inhabitants here.

Kirk and McCoy beam down in native clothes, and hot damn. Looks like we're getting hella arm action this epi. The shirts are actually just these brown cowhide vests with two little strings that tie. McCoy's actually ties and doesn't show anything except a little bit of chest, but Kirk's gapes all the way down to his stomach.

_((Owww, owww! Not like I'm complaining.))_

Kirk: Perfect. Tyree's camp is ¼ mile away.

McCoy: Want to think about it again, Jim? Starfleet's orders about this planet state no interference.

Kirk: No interference with normal social development. I'm not only aware of it, it was my survey 13 years ago that recommended it.

McCoy: I read it. "Inhabitants superior in many ways to humans. Left alone, they undoubtedly someday will develop a remarkably advanced and peaceful culture."

Kirk: Indeed. And I intend to see that they have that chance.

_((Just a few little things I'd like to say._

_I'd like to note Kirk's significant tone and attitude change. I can't give anything too concrete as to why, but I'd just say that he's more in the captain mindset. It's easier to be gung ho about the mission when you're doing it, rather than when you're staring at the love of your life unconscious in a hospital bed and possibly dying. _

_We know how strongly Kirk feels about development in societies. There have been so many instances where he's wanted to interfere because a culture was stagnant, or in this case, just not developing at a normal rate. I just like seeing his character being so consistent. _

_I just think it's really super cute that McCoy read his report._

_Kay. That's all.))_

Kirk: You coming with me?

McCoy: Do I have a choice?

_((Hee. Dry McCoy gives me happy butterflies.))_

They trek through the brush for 2.5 seconds when… THEY'RE ATTACKED BY THE ABONIMABLE SNOWMAN! AHHH!

_((Really, though. The thing looks like the bastard love child of The Abominable Snowman, a yeti, and some type of dinosaur.))_

They tussle with the yeti. It's on Kirk, biting him, until McCoy finally shoots it and it turns green and vanishes. Woo McCoy! McCoy shoots to kill, shoots to thrill, owww, owww!

Apparently the yeti was poisonous and Kirk is lying on the ground shaking and bleeding.

_(( :[ ))_

McCoy contacts the enterprise but they've already left and Kirk's still convulsing on the ground, and McCoy doesn't have an antitoxin for yeti poision, so… Uhhh, they're screwed. McCoy gives Kirk a hypo that will keep him alive for a few hours.

Kirk: Tyree… some of his men… cure…

_((Uhhh, wha?))_

McCoy turns and sees three of the Lady Gaga-esque natives.

_((Oh. That's what.))_

McCoy tries to speak with the Gaga Natives but apparently they're mute. McCoy calls them Hill People but I promise Gaga Natives gives you a much better visual. He says that Jim is a friend of Tyree's and they need to help, like now. The Mute Gaga Natives just stare.

_((Like they've never seen a man dying from yeti poison before.))_

Kirk collapses and we go to commercials!

We come back from commercial to see the MGN and McCoy carrying Kirk to their camp…and apparently they're talking now.

_((Non-Mute Gaga Natives? That doesn't have the same ring to it.))_

Gaga Native: Take Jim to the cave. I bring Tyree.

McCoy gives a medical log that basically says the people are super nice, Tyree is the leader and has a poison curing wife who will fix Jim, but in the mean time he has to keep Jim warm and alive.

_((Too bad Spock isn't there to warm him up. ): ))_

McCoy: You with your Garden of Eden.

_((Awww, worried McCoy is so cute! *coddles*))_

Cut to Head Gaga Native, Tyree and his wife, Nona; who sort of looks like a psychedelic Flintstone.

_((I guess she met Lady Gaga too.))_

Apparently she's an evil bitch out for blood and thinks that they should kill the other Natives for their firearms, then kill them some more and take all their shit. Tyree is like 'Umm… no? Kill bad?' but she thinks he's being spineless.

Nona: I am a Kahn-Ut-Tu woman. In all this land, how many are there? Men seek us because through us they become great leaders.

Tyree: I took you because you cast a spell upon me.

Nona: And I have spells that help me keep you.

_((I wanted to call her Kahn for a nickname, but I realized that would quickly make me think of Khan and Benedict Cumberbatch and I'd be thoroughly distracted, so I went with her real name instead. Sigh.))_

Nona than proceeds to enchant him with a leaf and they start sucking face.

The Gaga Native picks now as the time to fetch Tyree. He brings the news about Kirk and McCoy. Nona is very interested and leaves to see them, telling Cock Blocking Gaga Native to bring Tyree when he's no longer tripping on horny leaves.

_((Geez, why couldn't Kirk and Spock fall into a pile of those leaves? …Oh, because censors? Okay.))_

Cut to shivering Kirk and worried McCoy.

McCoy is using his phaser on the rocks to heat them up and Nona walks in on him. She doesn't like this and runs back out. She asks Tyree if he wants her to save Kirk and he's all 'Uhhh… yeah? Special friend and all that jazz?'

_((Kirk has another special male friend from the past. Hmm. No, I'm not insinuating, I'm observing.))_

Nona: My remedies require I know what kind of man he is. ALL that is known of him.

_((Like how much he loves Spock? Honey, EVERYONE knows that!))_

Tyree: I gave him my promise of silence. He was made my brother.

_((So, NO! I don't care how much magic you do, I won't tell you that he's hot for men! …No, in all seriousness, I have no idea what they're referring to. Vague natives are vague.))_

Nona: And I am your wife, his sister, I promise silence also!

Tyree: Nona-

Nona: Quickly! Or he dies!

_((HE'S BISEXUAL! HE'S AN ALIEN! HE'S GOT A __**REALLY **__BIG SPACESHIP!))_

Or we can cut to the enterprise. Perfectly sound option.

Spock is unconscious and Chapel is groping him.

_((She's holding his hand, and considering what hands are to Vulcans, I feel the word groping is appropriate.))_

Random Man Doctor comes to provide her (us) hope, saying that Spock's low readings just mean that his body is concentrating on the injured organ.

Chapel: You mean he's conscious?

RMD: In a sense. He knows we're here and what we're saying, but he can't afford to take his mind off the tissue he's trying to heal.

_((Chapel: Shit.))_

RMD: I suppose he even knows you were holding his hand.

_((Chapel: SHIT.))_

RMD leaves smiling and Chapel looks affronted.

Chapel: A good nurse always treats her patients that way. It proves she's interested!

_((Yeah, Chapel! The same way that a good captain always flirts with his first officer! It shows that he appreciates him. She's got it, guys!))_

Back to the cave!

_((Does anyone else think Kirk under that fur blanket is AH-DORABLE? Like, I am melting. Oh, just me? Kay.))_

Tyree and Nona have joined Kirk and McCoy, and Tyree promises that Nona will heal Kirk.

Nona puts some sketchy quivering rubber thing over Kirk's chest and McCoy looks as skeptical as I feel.

McCoy: What's that?

Nona: A mahko root.

McCoy: A plant? It moves!

Nona says that it's a special plant for special people and then hands Tyree a big knife.

_(( o.o ))_

He cuts her hand hand and I die laughing at McCoy's face.

_((18:49ish, check it out, seriously.))_

The healing ritual starts, which is essentially her rolling her body like bad club dancing and Tyree playing a little drum. She puts the rubber root on Kirk's injury and then smacks it with her bloody hand.

_((Uhh, oww?))_

Nona starts chanting 'this of my soul' and is moving around in a way that is almost erotic, but really is just uncomfortable.

McCoy: o.o

She continues on with this for entirely too long.

At the climax of the spell, she shouts 'RETURN! IT IS PAST!' and then collapses onto Kirk.

Kirk wakes up and is confused.

_((Awwwwww.))_

Kirk: Bones, I had the strangest dream…

_((Spock wanted me to—Okay, sorry, sorry, I'll be good.))_

McCoy: How do you feel, Jim?

Kirk: Tired. Very tired.

He offers a weak smile to Bones and says he did a fine job.

_((Awww.))_

Everyone: o.o

Kirk: I think I'll sleep.

Kirk falls asleep and Bones checks and sees that the wound is gone. He thanks Nona for saving Jim and wants to learn more about her methods.

_((Can you guys imagine McCoy doing that ritual? OMG. I WOULD DIE HAPPY. xD))_

Nona: Our blood has passed through the mahka root together. Our souls have been together. He is mine now.

_((BITCH SAY WHAT? Spock! Wake up, baby, and come fight for your man!))_

Tyree rushes Nona off so she can sleep, but McCoy is a BAMF and is all 'Uh nuh, no way Hose,'

McCoy: She OWNS him?

Tyree: When a man and woman are joined in this manner, he can refuse her no wish.

McCoy and all viewers: o.o

Tyree: But it is only legend.

Tyree takes Nona away to sleep nearby and McCoy is still o.o

Cut to later, McCoy is waking up to find Jim gone. He searches for a bit and then finds him hunched over Nona's bedrock. McCoy hauls him up.

_((It literally took Spock being on his DEATHBED to not interrupt a moment between Kirk and a woman. Thanks for being the honorary cock block McCoy.))_

Kirk: Bones… What are you doing?

Tyree jolts out of bed and not three seconds later, he and Kirk have a happy smiley reunion.

_((Special friends from the past, just saying. I'm not really trying to make the argument that they used to get it on like donkey kong, but I will say that if this was some hot woman from Kirk's past who he used to live with and was all smiley over, everyone would probably assume he had been nailing her. I really don't know if he was hot for this Tyree guy or not, I'm just pointing out that there shouldn't be a disparity between the genders.))_

Kirk looks for the wound and sees that it is not there. Then he remembers everything and gets all excited, babbling about how he knew Tyree would get a Kahn-Ut-Tu to cure him. He then proceeds to start to explain to poor McCoy that Kahn-Ut-Tus are the native withces, but then he sees Nona and some eerie 'oooh, sexy witch' music cues in. He tries to keep explaining to McCoy, but is slightly distracted by her.

_((OMG! Is Kirk going to be all hot for the lady of the hour? I mean, yes, she sort of put a spell on him and there's that whole thing where she might own him and she intertwined their souls or whatever, but… details, right? We'll just have to wait and see, I suppose.))_

Nona: I am a Kahn-Ut-Tu, Captain. I cured you.

Kirk seems a little bit confused so Tyree hops in and explains that Nona is his wife, so it's all good.

Kirk: Of course, I should have guessed. Congratulations.

_((This scene feels a little awkward to me.))_

Kirk gives her about 3 seconds of his time before turning back to Tyree.

Kirk: Tyree! We must talk now, the villagers, their new weapons! I want to hear all about that, we must make plans!

Nona: Good! It is past time to plan.

_((She jumps into the conversation.))_

Tyree: Much has happened since you left, James. Come, we'll speak of it!

Nona: And things to be done.

_((Vague is still vague.))_

Kirk follows them out and the ominous music tells us that happy time with tea and crumpets is not in his immediate future. Tyree stops at the door and tells Nona that she isn't invited and leaves her alone in the cave.

_((Well, he's not winning any husband of the year awards.))_

Cut to enterprise.

Spock's vitals are fluctuating, Chapel is still sitting vigilant, and Random Man Doctor reassures her (us) that it's normal. He tells Chapel to call him immediately if Spock shows any signs of consciousness.

RMD: After you call me, if he speaks, do whatever he says.

Chapel: Whatever he says?

RMD: Yes. Well that's clear enough, isn't it?

_((Hahaha, kudos to Random Man Doctor for making me laugh.))_

Cut back to Tyree and co.

Tyree is assuring Kirk and McCoy that the villagers make the guns themselves. Kirk and McCoy are still skeptical, but Tyree is all 'But I see them!' Kirk asks if he sees any strangers and Tyree tells him no, so that means either Tyree is a dirty liar or Klingons are out…right? Kirk asks to be taken to the village so he can see for himself, because he's still a nonbeliever. He wants to go at night and Tyree says that's all fine and dandy and stuff, but the poisonous yetis travel at night too. He then brings up that they killed a yeti and its mate is probably nearby and pretty pissed off too.

Nona then enters the scene out of bumfuck nowhere, and starts on another vague tangent about how Kirk can make Tyree a very important man. Both Kirk and McCoy are reasonably confused.

McCoy: What else does she know about us?

_((Does someone else FINALLY know about Jim and Spock?))_

Nona: Tyree has told me much of you.

_((Translation: Wouldn't you like to know?))_

Nona: Do not blame him. It was the price for saving your life.

Kirk: We're simply strangers from—

Nona: From one of the lights in the sky. And you have ways as far above firesticks as the sky above our world.

Tyree: You will not speak of this to others.

Nona: I will not if I am made to understand. Teach me. There's an old custom among my people. When a woman saves a man's life, he is grateful.

_((Sorry babe, we don't do gratitude in the twenty third century. Okay, so Nona knows that they're from space and that they have badass space technology, and she wants to know about it. Probably because she's out for blood against the tribe with firesticks.))_

Kirk: I am grateful.

_((But that doesn't mean I'm going to tell you the secrets of the universe, lady.))_

McCoy: A splendid custom… if not carried to extremes.

Kirk: We once were as you are. Spears, arrows. There came a time when our weapons grew faster than our wisdom and we almost destroyed ourselves. We learned from this to make a rule during all our travels, never to cause the same to happen on other worlds. Just as a man must grow in his own way and in his own time.

_((NNNGH. I LOVE YOU RODDENBERRY.))_

Nona: Some men never grow.

Kirk: Perhaps not as fast or in the way another thinks he should. But we're wise enough to know that we are wise enough not to interfere in the way of a man or another world.

_(( *puts on a cheerleader outfit and waves pom poms for Kirk* ))_

Nona: You must let the villagers destroy us? You will not help your friend and brother kill them instead?

_((Geez, this lady is going for the throat.))_

Tyree then jumps up, because he actually cares about his morals and still doesn't want to kill anyone. Nona is pretty pissed off because she doesn't want to die.

Nona: You would let him die when you have weapons to make him powerful and safe? Then he has the wrong friends. And I have the wrong husband.

She storms out and Kirk looks like he feels pretty bad. She just point blank put the blame for the death of an entire tribe on Kirk.

_((He's just following the prime directive.))_

Tyree: You will help in ways she does not understand. I have faith in our friendship, James.

_((Jim must have been one hell of a friend. They haven't seen each other in thirteen years and he still has total confidence in him? Geez.))_

Tyree leaves, saying they need to hurry before it's light outside. Kirk is clearly torn apart and conflicted, and we get a nice shot of him for a few seconds. McCoy sees his distress and approaches him, cause he's a good bestie.

McCoy: What's bothering you, Jim? If we find the Klingons have helped the villagers, there's certainly something we can do.

Kirk: That's what's bothering me. There's something we may have to do.

Cut to McCoy, Kirk, and Tyree sneaking through the darkness to the other village. _((Apparently they avoided the poisonous yeti.)) _There is a guard outside, so Tyree says that they need to wait.

Kirk: Tyree, supposing you had to fight. What then?

McCoy: Jim, this man believes in the same thing we believe in, that killing is stupid and useless.

_((MCCOY FUCK ME I LOVE YOU DAHLIN'.))_

Kirk is not as fired up as I am by what McCoy has said.

Kirk: Tyree?

The guard leaves so Tyree doesn't have to answer and the three of them run stealthily through the village. Jim has McCoy and Tyree lag a little behind and he knocks out a guard with a bit of good ol' asphyxiation and instructs Tyree to take his gun and ammunition while he and McCoy run off.

Cut to… A KLINGON. He is sitting in one of the buidings in the village, and in walks a Gaga Native, except this one has a dark wig instead of a white one and a handlebar mustache.

The Dark Haired Gaga Native reports what they've stolen from the Light Haired Gaga Natives and says they're having trouble deciding what to do with the woman, because it's hard to divide one woman.

_((And every woman throws popcorn at the screen.))_

The Klingon tells him to give her to the man who killed the most of her people. He's proud of the Dark Haired Gaga Native since he's out there ruthlessly killing, plundering, and raping. To show how proud he is, he gives him a better firearm and promises to give even better weapons when he returns.

_((KIRK WAS RIGHT.))_

Cut to Kirk and McCoy sneaking. McCoy finds coal and sulfur, which could be used for forging the weapons and Kirk suggests they go inside the forge. They look around and scan a few things, realizing that the materials used in the forging couldn't have been produced in the village. They deduce that the Klingons are indeed giving the natives weapons and go about recording the evidence. McCoy makes a snide comment that it's a shame they can't include a live Klingon in their evidence and POOF! All of a sudden they hear voices approaching, it's the Dark Haired Gaga Native and the Klingon!

Kirk and McCoy quickly hide behind the mortars and such and Kirk does an awesome little jump to get behind one that makes me giggle.

Dark Haired Gaga Native: I thought my people would grow tired of killing but you were right. They see that it is easier than trading and it has pleasures.

_((Gross, I liked McCoy's opinion on killing more.))_

Apparently DHGN, Apella, likes killing and the Klingon reassures him that he's going to be rich and lead the entire world and be a governor in the Klingon empire.

Then McCoy's scanner beeps!

Kirk does another one of his awesome little jumps and kicks the Klingon to the ground in the process. He and McCoy run to the door, but when they open it, they are faced with two guards.

Commercial!

When we come back from commercial, Kirk and McCoy are still facing the guards. They take them both down so easily that it's hilarious and run out of the forge. They go back to pick up Tyree, who now has a gun, and all three of them run because a guard is shooting after them.

Cut to the enterprise!

SPOCK COUGHS. HOLY SHNIKE!

Spock: Nurse!

Chapel was actually leaving but she quickly returns to his bedside.

Chapel: Yes?

Spock: Hit me. The pain will help me to consciousness. Hit me.

Chapel: Hit you? No! I can't—

Spock: I ask you, strike me! If I don't regain consciousness soon, it may be too late. Hit me!

Chapel gives him a light little love tap on the cheek. A for effort, babe.

Spock: Harder!

Chapel looks quite distressed but she complies and slaps him twice across the face.

Spock: Again!

_((HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!))_

Spock: Continue. The pain will help me to consciousness.

Chapel continues to slap Spock, though she is clearly not enjoying it.

Scotty chooses then to run in and is understandably shocked.

_((I nearly died laughing, I 3 you Scotty,))_

Scotty: What are you doing, woman?

He pulls her off of Spock and instead of explaining what she's doing, she sort of freaks out.

Chapel: LEAVE ME ALONE! HE NEEDS ME!

Scotty: Have you gone daft?!

_((Okay, there's nothing about this scene that doesn't make me laugh. xD I understand what she's saying, but its still just great to hear Chapel be all "He needs me!" and Scotty being like "Wtf, no, are you tripping?"))_

Chapel: Mr. Spock needs me! Let go!

Random Man Doctor rushes in and pulls Spock up then backhands him across the face about five times. He is much more effective than Chapel because Spock soon wakes up and grabs his wrist.

Scotty is really confused.

_((I heart him so much.))_

Spock: That will be quite enough. Thank you, Doctor.

RMD tells Scotty to release Chapel, and he does, but he's still skeptical.

Scotty: What's this all about?

Spock: She was doing as I requested, Mr. Scott. A Vulcan form of self-healing.

RMD: As you saw, they must wait until the last possible moment, then fight their way back to consciousness.

_((Seriously, where is this guy every other time Spock has had a cold?))_

Chapel: Here, let me help you, Mr. Spock.

She tries to help Spock but he politely pushes her off.

Spock: Thank you Nurse, but I'm quite fully recovered.

_((I'm pretty sure he's never pushed Kirk off. Just saying.))_

Chapel: Yes, I see you are.

She says this a bit snottily since he's always turning down gestures and Spock just kind of looks at her then exhales.

_((Ha! I laugh at Chapel all the time, but let's be honest, I'd probably be her if I was serving aboard the enterprise.))_

Cut back to the planet where Jim is explaining to the Light Haired Gaga Natives how to use the gun. He helps Tyree shoot a target and then praises him when he hits it McCoy sees this and is not happy, so he stomps right on over to Jim and tells him, 'Uhh, hey, yeah, we need to talk.' Kirk says they can go talk in the cave so they leave the Gaga Natives to practice with the gun.

McCoy: Do I have to say it? It's not bad enough there's already one serpent in Eden teaching one side about gunpowder, you're gonna make sure they all know about it!

_((Gah, McCoy, dahling, you're winning my heart in this epi.))_

Kirk: Exactly. Each side receives the same knowledge and the same type of firearm.

McCoy: Have you gone out of your mind?! Yes, maybe you have!

_((McCoy-2, Kirk-0.))_

McCoy: Tyree's wife, she said there was something in that root. She said now that you can refuse her nothing!

_((Awww. McCoy doesn't think Kirk would do something like this unless he was under the influence of witchcraft.))_

Kirk: Superstition.

McCoy: Is it a coincidence this is exactly what she wants?

Kirk: Is it? She wants superior weapons. That's one thing neither side can have.

_((McCoy is still pissed, so Jim tries a softer approach to try and placate him.))_

Kirk: Bones… Bones, the normal development of this planet was the status quo between the hill people and the villagers. The Klingons have changed that with the flintlocks. If this planet is to develop the way it should, we must equalize both sides again.

McCoy: Jim, that means you're condemning this whole planet to a war that may never end! It could go on for year after year, massacre after masscare!

_((McCoy-3, Kirk-0.))_

Kirk: All right, Doctor!

_((Yeeesh, Kirk. Watch that temper.))_

They have a few seconds of intense eye contact, then Kirk breaks it and walks away, calms down, then comes back.

Kirk: All right. All right. Say I'm wrong. Say I'm drugged. Say the woman drugged me. What is your sober, sensible solution to all this?

McCoy: I don't have a solution. But furnishing them firearms is certainly not the answer!

Kirk: Bones, do you remember the 20th century Brush wars on the Asian continent? Two giant powers involved much like the Klingons and ourselves. Neither side felt that they could pull out.

McCoy: Yes, I remember. It went on bloody year after bloody year.

Kirk: What would you have suggested? That one side arm its friends with an overpowering weapon? Mankind would never have lived to travel space if they had. No. The only solution is what happened back then. Balance of power.

McCoy: And if the Klingons give their side even more?

Kirk: Then we arm our side with exactly that much more. A balance of power! The trickiest, most difficult, dirtiest game of them all but the only one that preserves both sides.

McCoy: And what about your friend Tyree? Will he understand this balance of power?

Kirk: No. Probably not. But I'm going to have to try and make him understand. I never had a more difficult task.

McCoy: Well, Jim, here's another morsel of agony for you. Since Tyree won't fight, he will be one of the first to die.

That is not what Kirk wanted to hear, but he knows it's true.

Kirk: Well… war isn't a good life. But it's…life.

_((WHOA. This plot sure packs a punch. So, for anyone who might not know or have realized it, this episode is an allegory for the United State's involvement in the Vietnam War. Roddenberry, my love for you is endless. Thank you. The way that Star Trek raises questions and provokes thought gives me chills. Is living worth sacrificing your morals for? Are the circumstances for right and wrong still the same in the situation of war? What role should outsiders play? Protectors, enablers? Gaaaah, Roddenberry. 3))_

Kirk says that maybe he can reach Tyree through his wife and decides to go talk to her. McCoy is clearly disappointed, but he lets Jim leave.

Cut to the enterprise!

Spock enters the bridge. They're entering orbit and nearly to the rendezvous point, the Klingons still don't know they're there.

Cut back to the planet, where Kirk happens to stumble upon Nona, who just got finished bathing and is getting dressed. He goes to talk to her and she's all smiles.

Nona: You are here because I wished you here.

Kirk: Oh? I thought it was my idea.

_((Women are never your idea, Kirk. …))_

Nona: Yes. They always believe they come of free will. Tyree even thought the same when I cast my first spell on him.

Kirk: Nona…

Nona: Can you smell this fragrance? Some find it…pleasing.

_((Yes. It's a horny leaf.))_

Kirk: I would like to talk to you.

_((So far he isn't effected…))_

Nona: Again. Some find it soothing.

Kirk tries to continue to talk, but the horny leaf is distracting him. Nona is pleased and continues to wave the leaf at him. Tyree, who has the gun, sees her waving the leaf at Kirk.

Kirk gets up and stumbles away, saying he feels dizzy. Nona follows him and he turns around, now fully enchanted.

Kirk: Yes, you are lovely.

Tyree takes aim with his gun, oh no!

Kirk: You're beautiful.

Nona: Kiss me.

Kirk obliges and they kiss passionately, crushing their faces together.

_((SPOCK, WHERE ARE YOU?))_

Tyree has his gun cocked and aimed, but he lowers it because he has morals. He stares at the gun then throws it down and runs away.

_((Poor guy. I really feel for him. His wife put a spell on his old special friend to make him kiss her. You almost can't blame her, since it's Captain SexyPants, but still.))_

Kirk and Nona are still sucking face, when all of a sudden…

A POISONOUS YETI COMES ONTO THE SCENE!

Nona wants to get away, but Kirk is still tripping on the horny leaf and just wants to make out with her. He grabs her and holds her back, causing her to trip and fall. The yeti starts to attack her and she just rolls around on the ground to avoid it while Kirk watches for a few moments.

Apparently, even drugged Kirk is still a hero though, because he goes staggering out and jumps onto the yeti. It throws him off easily and then goes back at her. Kirk uses his phaser on the yeti and kills it, saving Nona.

However, all she's interested in is the phaser. Apparently that being grateful thing was one way and sexist, because when Kirk saves her life, she repays him by knocking him out and stealing his phaser.

_((I'd like to take now as the moment to point out that Kirk is not hot for Nona. She _drugged_ him. He was kissing her because she's a witch and she used a magic leaf and told him to. There's no evidence pointing to him really being attracted to her, and even if he was, Kirk would never kiss on his friend's wife if he was in his right mind. So our lovely little Playboy has once again been under some sort of influence while playing tonsil hockey with a lady. Hmmm.))_

Cut back to the camp. Aggravated McCoy wants to know where the gun is and Tyree points and tells him he left it.

McCoy: That's a fine thing to leave lying around!

_(( xD ))_

McCoy: Show us where it is!

Cut to Nona stealing Kirk's phaser.

Tyree leads them to the gun. He picks it up and hands it off, saying he doesn't want it.

Kirk is lying a bit away and he is regaining consciousness. McCoy sees him and runs to him. Kirk sits up with a headache and tells McCoy, Tyree, and Random Gaga Villager that Nona hit him.

Cut to Nona running. She sees a group of the Dark Haired Gaga Villagers and smirks. She jumps up from behind the rock and they all aim their guns at her.

Nona: I bring you victory for Apella!

They know she is a Kahn-Ut-Tu and they don't trust her, but she asks them to take her to Apella because she knows that he will be willing to use the new weapon.

_((She's a wardigger. ): ))_

They try to grab her and she backhands one of them, then threatens them with the phaser. Apparently she doesn't have a lot of follow through though, because they all attack her and all she does is flail and scream.

Cut back to Kirk and co. Kirk realizes that his phaser is missing. They look around for about a second until Kirk realizes she must have taken it.

Cut back to Nona, who is still flailing and screaming like an idiot. She keeps making threats about the phaser but I guess she can't figure out how to use it because it isn't doing anything and the Dark Haired Gaga Natives are laughing at her. One of them kisses her and she whips out her dagger. Nothing comes of that either, and they continue to restrain her and wrestle her to the ground.

Kirk, McCoy, and Tyree run onto the scene, and Tyree is incredibly distraught, though I'm not too sure why, considering she CHEATS, LIES, AND ENCHANTS her way through their marriage and she was ready to sell out his entire tribe to the village people.

He shouts and the Dark Hairs see them and think that it's a trap. They think Nona was trying to trick them, so they stab her, toss her to the ground, then pick up their firearms. They shoot and graze McCoy's arm.

_((Naaaaaoooo! BB!))_

Fight scene ensues, entails lots of flipping and tussling in the dust and weeds. McCoy goes and checks on Nona while everyone is fighting. They beat the Dark Hairs, but then Tyree starts to fight Kirk! He comes to his senses and stops right before braining him with a rock. He runs to Nona's side and McCoy tells him that she's dead.

Tyree picks up the gun and tells Kirk that he wants a lot more of them. He orders the other White Hair to go track down the two black hairs that escaped and announces that he'll kill them.

_((Sigh. You held out for so long.))_

Kirk doesn't reply, but his face says he doesn't approve. McCoy retrieves his phaser and gives it to him.

Kirk: Tomorrow… in the palm of her hands.

McCoy: Well, you got what you wanted.

Kirk: Not what I wanted, Bones. What had to be.

Kirk gets out his phaser and contacts the enterprise.

Spock: Spock, Captain. I trust all has gone well.

McCoy: Spock! Are you alive?

Spock: An illogical question, Doctor. Since obviously you are hearing my voice.

McCoy: Well I don't know why I was worried. You can't kill a computer.

_((I know that Kirk is pretty bummed out. I mean, he feels responsible for this peaceful tribe discovering weapons and becoming bloodthirsty. But I'm pretty disappointed that we didn't get any reaction from him at all when he heard Spock's voice. I know that it doesn't mean he doesn't care, but still. I would've liked one of their two second reunions. __ ))_

Kirk asks how long it would take Scotty to reproduce 100 flintlocks and Scotty is confused and says he didn't quite get that.

Kirk: 100… serpents. 100 serpents for the Garden of Eden.

Kirk sighs.

Kirk: We're very tired, Mr. Spock. Beam us up home.

_((So, I guess we'll just have to make do with that. I could see that as Kirk being like, 'Sorry. I do care, okay? I just can't show it right now, because I've exhausted everything I have on this damn planet, sacrificing my morals and values and the prime directive because I'm the captain and I had to do _something_,' which really is sad if you think about it. McCoy got to keep his values of not corrupting peace with violence, but he didn't have to come up with a solution. Kirk has to keep his values and take action and fix things. That's a fine, fine line to walk, and sometimes there's just no good answer. _

_Not the happiest ending ever, but I did quite like the episode. What did you guys think about it? _

_Spirk may have not been the main focus in this epi, but they were still pretty cute when their time came.))_

**Next episode: **The Gamesters of Triskelion


	3. The Gamesters of Triskelion

**Author's Note: **Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed, followed, or anything of that sort. I apologise for the delay. I watched this episode a couple of weeks ago and then things just got hectic and I kept putting off the analysis. No longer, though! I am rewatching it and writing!

Enjoy, comment thoughts, feelings, favourites, or anything else you may feel like saying.

_Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek in any way, shape, or form._

Now, with no further ado…

"The Gamesters of Triskelion"

Written by: Margaret Armen

Directed by: Gene Nelson

Kirk: Captain's Log, Stardate 3211.7. We are entering standard orbit about Gamma II, an uninhabited planetoid with an automatic communications and astrogation station.

Kirk finishes his log and gets up all sexy like to announce that he, Uhura, and Chekov are going to beam down to make a routine check. Yawn.

The three of them stand and get ready to leave the bridge, meaning that Spock and Kirk are going to be separated for this episode. _(( :[ )) _Kirk does stop to say goodbye to him, though.

Kirk: Mind the store, Mr. Spock.

Spock: Acknowledged, Captain.

_((Okay, so this isn't flirty. This is very matter-of-fact. BUT, the whole "mind the store" thing is very reminiscent of Amok Time, so at least we can think about that while we wonder why Kirk is too blah to flirt. Maybe he's just not looking forward to the boring mission.))_

Kirk, Uhura, and Chekov get on the transporter pad and prepare to beam down. However, before they can, they just sort of disappear. Scene change! They are lying on the ground, which is made up of very tacky yellow and blue concrIt looks like the pattern of a really ugly carpet. Ominous music tells us is this is not where they were intending to go.

Chekov: Captain, what happened?

_((Pavel Chekov: Asking the real questions since 1962.))_

Kirk: Must be a… transporter malfunction.

_((Riiiiight.))_

Kirk tells us that this isn't Gamma II, the colour of the sky is a grayish teal and that's all wrong. Uhura points out that the landing pad is cray and they all look around in a general dismay.

_((Just LOOK at the tacky landing pad. You'd be dismayed, too.))_

Kirk: That's a trinary sun.

_((Ooooh baby, talk astronomy to me.))_

Meanwhile on the Enterprise, Scotty looks a little horrified and completely bewildered. He pages Spock and tells him that the landing party has vanished.

Spock: I presume you mean they vanished in a manner not consistent with the usual workings of the transporter, Mr. Scott.

_((Nah, Scotty just had an epiphany about what the transporter __**really **__does. …Be careful, Spock. Your snark is showing.))_

Scotty: Aye, of course I mean that! You think I'd call you if they just beamed down?!

_((Hahaha, this exchange makes me laugh more than it should. xD))_

Scotty tells Spock that he's checked everything and it wasn't a transporter malfunction. There was also no bright light or puff of smoke, nothing weird except three people vanishing into thin air. Scotty insists that the transporter is perfect, but Spock tells him to recheck it anyway and says he'll check the planet's surface.

Cut back to the tacky landing pad.

_((These cuts feel really awkward to me this episode. Maybe it's just me.))_

Chekov: But Captain, if we're not on Gamma II, then where are we?

_((Once again, Chekov is asking the real (obvious) questions.))_

Kirk: That's what I'd like to know.

Kirk tries to hail the enterprise, but his comm is dead. He so isn't in the mood for this shit.

Right about this time, we see a saber toothed caveman round the corner.

_((See, you think I'm joking…))_

There's also some medieval looking bloke with a small knife. Oh, Uhura's and Chekov's comms are dead as well.

Uhura is the only one who notices the eight feet tall saber toothed caveman. Kirk, Chekov, listen to the music for Christ's sake! It's telling you that danger is on the way!

Now two disco queens enter the scene with giant whale harpoons with grapple hooks on the end.

_((They are wearing shiny leotards with cut outs everywhere and Go Go boots. And one of them has gloves and green hair. The other has an orange Afro. I promise, disco queens are about as accurate as it's going to get.))_

Kirk and co. are surrounded. Kirk tells them to fire, but oops, their phasers are broken. He quickly instructs for them to go to hand-to-hand and everyone takes combat position.

_((Can we just enjoy how great Kirk responds in crisis situations? Geez. I want one.))_

Hand to hand combat ensues. Chekov fights with the saber-toothed caveman, which is nothing short of hilarious. Kirk delivers a few hot as hell kicks to medieval knife guy. Uhura is restrained between the two disco queens. Chekov isn't getting anywhere with the giant caveman, he just kinda bounces off. Kirk is kicking medieval guy's ass.

_((You can see Chekov and Uhura silently root for him, if you watch. It's cute.))_

Kirk is taking medieval guy out, so the green haired disco queen runs over and hits him with her harpoon. He stumbles and falls back onto a bench and she puts her spear to his sternum.

_((His shirt rides up in this shot. Yum. It's actually just kind of hot.))_

Adorable close up of confused Kirk takes us into TITLES!

Kirk catches us up on what's going on through an internal monologue of a captain's log, saying that they're on a strange, hostile planet filled with races from all across the galaxy.

Then, with a loud and dramatic boing, Dracula pops up out of nowhere!

_((He's bald, has a goatee, and a long black cape with a giant red collar. I'm calling him Dracula.))_

Dracula: Excellent, Captain Kirk. Although we expected strength and competitive spirit, we are greatly pleased.

Kirk doesn't respond immediately, instead he asks Chekov and Uhura if they're hurt. Uhura sweetly says that she doesn't think so and Chekov replies that no body's hurt…yet, with a pointed little look at Dracula.

Dracula appreciates the attitude nearly as much as I do and tells Chekov that he's admirable.

Dracula: You, also, Uhura. Your spirit is as great as the Captain's.

_((Uhura appreciation. Heart.))_

Dracula: I am Galt, Master Thrall of the Planet Triskelion. I have been sent to welcome you.

_((I promise that Dracula is much better suited, but fiiine. Galt.))_

Awkward cut to Kirk being manacled to a wall with saber toothed caveman gripping his face. Kirk, Uhura, and Chekov are all handcuffed to a wall and they're all wearing the metal collars that the natives are wearing. They have clear little triangles on either side, but the natives have colours; red, green, or yellow.

Galt says they're now ready for their training and Kirk's like "Umm, how the fuck do you know our names?"

Galt: The providers were expecting you, Captain. They arranged your transportation.

Kirk: These providers of yours, are they—

Galt: Correction, Captain. The providers are not ours. We are theirs.

_((That's…reassuring.))_

Kirk: What do they want from us?

Galt tells Kirk that they are to be trained, like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

_(("What do you mean you don't kidnap people then train them? Pssh. Weirdo."))_

Galt: What other use is there for thralls?

Kirk: Thralls?

Dramatic music rises to aid in Kirk's outraged diatribe.

Kirk: You must be mistaken. We're officers of a united spaceship on federation business!

Galt tells them that there aren't mistakes, Starfleet doesn't matter, and they're thralls, so tough shit. He releases them from the handcuffs so they can be taken to training. Kirk defiantly says they're not going anywhere until they have some information.

Kirk: Who are you? What is this place? What do you think you're going to do with us?

Galt: I am Galt, the Master Thrall. This place is the planet Triskelion. You are to be trained and spend the rest of your lives here.

_((That answers everything! And by everything, I mean absolutely nothing we didn't already know.))_

Cut back to the enterprise!

_((This cut isn't awkward. Maybe they're finally getting with the program.))_

Scotty enters the bridge and tells Spock he's checked the transporter and, like he said the first freaking time, it's perfect. Actually, the whole ship is just perfect.

Spock: I'm beginning to believe that, Mr. Scott. I've conducted two sweeps of the planet's surface. There is no sign of life.

McCoy: Then what the devil is happening?

_((Leonard McCoy: Also asking the real questions since 1962!))_

McCoy: Does that mean their atoms are just floating around out there?

Spock: No, Doctor. Even that would show up on our sensors.

Scotty: Where are they then?

_((Boys. You're killing me. xD))_

Spock: The only answers are negative.

Spock then says there was really nothing to have caused this.

McCoy: A negative attitude is no good to us. We can't just leave them out there, wherever they are.

_((Snippy McCoy is snippy. Geez.))_

Spock: We shall continue sensor scans, Doctor. At the moment, that is all we can do, except hope for a rational explanation.

McCoy: Hope? I always thought that was a human failing, Mr. Spock.

Spock: True, Doctor. Constant exposure does result in a certain degree of contamination.

_((Okay, so the little trill of music and the eyebrow raise from Spock at the end tells us that this is supposed to be a light moment, but I want to look at this exchange for just a moment, okay? _

_The landing party has vanished with no explanation and no leads. No body has any idea of what to do. Yes, most people would hope for an answer of some sort, but Spock is not most people. It's a big deal for him to hope for anything, and an even bigger deal for him to say it out loud. McCoy calls him out on this in a very petulant "Oh, but I thought you didn't have human characteristics and feelings Spock!" We know that he knows that Spock does, but he's just being difficult and getting him to admit it. Spock plays it off with a little jab, but it doesn't detract from what he's saying. He's going to sit there and hope that an explanation falls into his lap because that's the only way he's going to be able to get Kirk (and Uhura and Chekov) back. We know Spock's track record, it wouldn't be the first time that he acknowledged feeling something because of Kirk. It's sweet. End of story.))_

Cut back to Triskelion. Kirk and co. are being shown to their "quarters" which are actually jail cells. They have their names on the doors and everything. Five star accommodation right there.

Kirk gives a very subtle eye gesture that Chekov and Uhura both pick up on and they all turn around to make a break for it.

Galt ain't even worried though. His eyes glow a bright blue and the trio is on the ground choking and screaming and their collars are glowing. After a few moments of hilarious close ups, Galt's eyes fade back to normal and the choking stops. Kirk gets up and flashes us some back.

_((UNF.))_

Galt: That was foolish, Captain. Escape is quite impossible as demonstrated by your collars of obedience.

_((Sounds like a 50 Shades of Grey thing.))_

Kirk and co. reluctantly go to their "quarters" and the natives leave them.

Cut to the enterprise!

Spock: They are not within the confines of this solar system.

McCoy: It's been nearly an hour. Can people live that long as disassembled atoms in a transporter beam?

Spock: I have never heard of the study being done, but it would be a fascinating project.

McCoy: Fascinating?! Those people are friends of ours out there, if they're still alive!

Spock: Precisely.

McCoy: The odds are not good!

Spock: No. I would say approximately 400—

McCoy: Don't quote odds and don't give me any more dispassionate logic, Mr. Spock! Just keep looking for them!

Spock: I would welcome a suggestion, Doctor, even an emotional one, as to where to look.

McCoy: First time you've ever asked me for anything, and it has to be an occasion like this.

_((I think we should take a look at this scene too. It's an interesting encounter, though I feel as though I'm almost missing something. Spock, as usual, is hiding any worries or emotions he's having behind logic. We know that even if he and Kirk weren't in love, he'd be worried. This is a person he cares immensely about, just illogically gone and who knows where. McCoy is, as usual, pestering him to show an emotional response. Spock is basically, throughout this whole scene, telling McCoy, "Yeah, I'll admit that I'm hoping for an answer but I'm not about to cry about my feelings to you, now or ever, you know I'm worried and you can't make me say it." _

_Of course McCoy knows that he's worried. We've seen them have enough of these interactions to know that McCoy doesn't __**honestly **__believe that Spock doesn't care. It's just frustrating for an emotional person to have a friend who is so guarded. Most people seek solidarity; they want their emotions validated. That's what this is a prime example of. Also, Spock says he would welcome even an emotional suggestion. He usually disdains emotion and calls it illogical. He's yet again admitting how desperate he is, by saying he'd take even an illogical lead over no lead. It's still sweet, guys.))_

Cut back to the jail cells!

Chekov: Captain, the Enterprise… They will be trying to find us, won't they?

Uhura: They'll be trying, but where will they look? We're here, and we don't know where it is.

Kirk: This system's star is a trinary. Limits it a bit, but we're a long way from the Enterprise. If we're even in the same dimension.

_((Look at his eyes.))_

Medieval guy comes with a tray and tells Uhura that he is her drill thrall. His name is Lars.

_((Never have I ever heard such a fitting name. xD))_

Kirk: What do you want from her?

Lars: That is not your concern. Your drill thralls will attend you presently.

Lars enters Uhura's quarters and she looks about as pleased as a vegan at McDonald's.

Lars: There is little time.

They go behind the wall so all we can see is their shadows. Kirk is watching and listening from his cell, clearly concerned about Uhura. He's her captain and he cares about her, it's sweet to see him in a protective role.

Uhura: What are you doing?

Uhura is crying and yelling for him to get out, we can see that she is trying to push him away.

Lars: I have been selected for you.

Kirk: Lieutenant, are you all right?

We hear more noises of struggling from Uhura and see movement in the shadows. This is implied attempted rape, which is pretty risqué for this time period.

_((Poor Uhura. :[))_

Kirk: Lieutenant, are you all right? Lieutenant, answer me!

The green haired disco queen enters with a tray while Kirk is shouting his concern for Uhura, who is still screaming.

Kirk: What's happening to Lieutenant Uhura?!

_((Kirk is understandably freaked out. Anybody with a soul would be if they had to hear somebody being raped/assaulted right across the hall from them, let alone somebody they knew and cared about. Besides, Kirk is responsible for her because he's her captain. He wants to protect her and he can't, so he's frustrated. It's a difficult scene to even watch; at least it was for me. Poor Uhura. I want to protect her, too. :[ )) _

When we return from commercial, Kirk has gotten his cool back a little bit and we can see Uhura and Lars once more.

Kirk: Lieutenant, are you all right?

Lars: It is not allowed to refuse selection.

_((Ummm, excuse you. I don't care who selected what, if she doesn't want sex, she doesn't have to have it. UGH.))_

Kirk is as outraged as I am. Uhura is shaken, but she's okay now that Lars has left her alone.

The disco queen tells Kirk to step away from the door. She enters and sets the tray down on the table and tells him to come eat. She sits at the table and waits for him.

Cut to the enterprise!

Spock: Captain's Log, Stardate 3259.2. First Officer Spock in command. The Captain, Lieutenant Uhura, and Ensign Chekov have been missing for nearly two hours. Computer probability projectiles are useless due to insufficient data.

Random Crewman tells Spock that she's getting a fluctuating reading on a hydrogen cloud. Spock goes to look and finds the cloud interesting enough. McCoy asks what would have caused it and the computer says nothing they know of. Scotty adds in that the transporter couldn't cause it.

That's enough for Spock because he tells the ensign to plot a course following it.

McCoy: You're going to leave here without them and run off on some wild goose chase halfway across the galaxy just because you found a discrepancy in a hydrogen cloud?

_((Snorts.))_

Spock: Doctor, I am chasing The Captain,

_((FAINTS.))_

Spock: Lieutenant Uhura, and Ensign Chekov, not some wild aquatic fowl.

_((HA.))_

Spock: This is the only lead we've had.

_((I wasn't trying to take that line out of context-it wasn't at all slashy. But it does make my heart flutter to hear Spock say he's chasing The Captain, even if he mentioned Uhura and Chekov and even if it isn't slashy. Besides, we're seeing the final stage of Spock's desperation. He's following an illogical lead because what else is he going to do? He's not just going to sit around and pine, he's going to do anything and everything he can to get them back, while still keeping his emotions to himself.))_

Cut to Chekov moping in his cell. We get some nice sexy music playing and the other disco queen soon attends him to. She looks like an orange drag queen, though, in contrast to her Lady Gaga counterpart. Chekov isn't too pleased by this.

Chekov: You, you have been selected for me?

Drag Queen: No, I am only your drill thrall. I have brought you nourishment.

_((The subtitles even preface her lines with "deep voice." xD))_

Drag Queen: It is a nice name, Chee-Koo.

_((I'm dying. xD))_

Chekov: Heh heh. Chekov.

Drag Queen: Chee-koof? It is a very nice name.

_((A for effort, sweetie. And for being nicer than stupid Lars.))_

Drag Queen: I am called Tamoon.

Chekov: Oh, pleased, pleased to know you, Miss.

_((The way Chekov says 'Miss' implies to me that he isn't really sure about her gender. Quit being so shallow, Chekov. I quite like her. xD))_

Tamoon: You are a fine specimen. I like you better than the others. I will instruct you well so my provider will take you.

Chekov: That's v-v-very kind of you, Miss, but—

Tamoon: If my provider is pleased, we may even be selected for each other.

She then proceeds to cuddle Chekov and I rewind the scene.

_((XD))_

Cut to Kirk eating a vegetable medley.

Kirk: I didn't realize I was so hungry. Whatever you call this, it was very good.

_((Snort. It's literally corn, carrots, and mixed vegetables. Whatever you call this? What, do they not have healthy food on the enterprise?))_

Disco Queen: It is nourishment. We call it that.

Kirk: Nourishment. That's very practical.

_((This amuses me too much.))_

Kirk: What do you call this collar?

Disco Queen: It is a sign of our provider. By the colour of the lights, it can be known who holds us. When you are vended, you will also have a colour.

_((Okay, so she has been ANSWERING the real questions since 1962. Yay her!))_

Kirk: Vended? You mean bought, sold.

_((They're called euphemisms, Kirk.))_

Disco Queen: When you are developed. The provider who offers the most quatloos puts their collar on us.

Kirk: Our race has another name for it. Slavery.

She looks vaguely confused. Kirk continues to ask about the collar, which she says is to warn and punish. He asks how it works and she won't answer him. Kirk asks if she is going to provide all his nourishment and she says yes, she's his drill thrall. We know Kirk's about to get flirty…

Kirk: I have to say; I've never seen a top sergeant who looked like you.

Disco Queen: What does that mean?

_((Geez. Even SPOCK gets the flirting more than this chick.))_

Kirk: It means you're a very beautiful woman.

Disco Queen: What is…beautiful?

Kirk: You mean nobody's ever told you that before?

Blank stare.

Kirk: Well, uh, beautiful is, uh…

_((Spock.))_

She watches blankly as he flounders to answer. He finally holds up the tray so that she can look at her reflection.

_((Okay, so it's pretty cheesy but I also think it's kind of cute. She's very earnest; it's obvious she has no concept of life outside of her metallic leotard and slavery. By this point it's obvious that she is Kirk's lady of the episode. However, nobody can ring the wedding bells yet. She's his drill sergeant; it would be pretty smart of him to get in good with her to greaten hopes of escaping. Also, she's nice. She's not flogging him or doing anything terrible and she is pretty. So, the compliments are sincere, but Kirk also has an ulterior motive. This wouldn't be the first time.))_

Kirk: Shahna, where were you born?

_((Finally! A name! I thought I'd be typing Disco Queen for the rest of the episode.))_

Shahna: Born? I have been here always.

Kirk continues to question her and discovers that "the one who bore her" was killed in a freestyle match. She assures him that he'll know what this is soon enough. He asks about Lars and Chekov's drill sergeant. She begins to say that she won't answer, but is interrupted by a red light flashing. She's all business again and tells him to put on his training harness.

Cut to the enterprise!

McCoy: This is ridiculous.

_((XD I love you, McCoy, but you're starting to sound like the archetype of a nagging spouse.))_

McCoy: Nothing out there. Nothing out there at all!

Scotty agrees that nothing seems to be out there. Spock says they're going to the next solar system, which is two-dozen light years away. Both Scotty and McCoy are aghast!

McCoy: Are you suggesting they could have transported over a distance of… You're out of your Vulcan mind, Spock!

Spock: I'm suggesting nothing. I'm merely pursuing the only logical course available to us.

_((We are literally getting battered over the head with Spock and McCoy's desperation. This is the third time it's been reiterated.)) _

Cut to Kirk and co. trading blows on the tacky landing pad with their drill sergeants. They're all wearing these harnesses, which also look straight out of Fifty Shades of Grey.

Galt enters the scene and brings in another thrall. Apparently he was "slow at obeying" and is now going to be used as practice target for punishment, which means that they're going to strike him with their harpoons as they charge. So, like jousting without horses and with a lot of death. Galt tells Uhura to start.

Uhura is completely offended.

Uhura: No!

Galt: It is not allowed to refuse a training exercise.

Uhura: I don't care whether it's allowed or not. I will not do it!

_((I. Love. Her. Like, way to stick to your morals, Uhura. I heart you.))_

She looks to Kirk for backup and he comes through.

Kirk: None of us will do it, Galt.

Galt: It is part of your training. The providers wish it!

Kirk: The devil with the providers!

Chekov: Cossacks!

_((I AM SO DONE. XD))_

Galt has had enough of their shit and chokes them. He then lets the disobedient man go and tells Uhura to take his place. They bind her, but Kirk goes to the rescue.

Kirk: No! I am responsible for the actions of my people. I demand to see the providers.

Galt: It is not permitted. But, Captain, since you assume responsibility for your people, you will take the punishment. It is less painful than the collar.

Kirk allows them to bind him, because he's the captain and he's responsible and he's a fucking chivalrous hero, okay?

Galt: You will be practice target. It is a shame to lose you, Captain.

_((So when he said it would be less painful than the collar, he was talking about DEATH? Geez. That escalated quickly.))_

Kirk is left alone on the tacky transporter pad with the saber-tooth caveman, who has an Indiana Jones style whip.

_((Really, this planet is like an S&M disco club. O.o))_

_((How long do you think it'll take his shirt to rip? xD))_

Cut to black!

We return from break to a captain's log "supplemental," _((I know that he records these later, but the way they're done makes them sound like inner monologues, which I find incredibly adorable, so I pretend that's what they are. xD)) _to see Kirk on his knees and with a giant rip down the back of his shirt.

_((So, what… 2.5 seconds? xD))_

The saber-toothed caveman continues to chase Kirk around and whip him while everybody watches.

_((This must be really hard for Uhura and Chekov. Watching their captain being hurt and having to just sit and watch.))_

Kirk finally kicks the caveman and Galt calls a hold. He gives a rest interval. Kirk goes over to Shahna and Uhura. Uhura stands up, and Shahna puts up her hand to restrain her. Uhura smacks her hand away because she's a BAMF and then sits back down on her own damn accord.

Kirk: He's pretty fast with that whip.

Shahna gives Kirk a drink to strengthen him. It looks like a vintage bottle of grape soda.

_((I'm pretty sure it's a vintage bottle of grape soda.))_

Shahna tells Kirk that the caveman has a weak left eye and then sends him back out to fight.

Kirk manages to get his restrain loosened a bit and he does one of his awesome ninja rolls to get his hands out from behind his back. He then head butts the caveman and jumps on him from behind, wrapping the leather restraint around his throat. He chokes him to the ground, and then a voice from above calls "HOLD!"

_((God?))_

It's Provider 1 and he places a bid for Kirk and co. Soon, the other providers join in the fun. They go back and forth until Provider 1 bids 2,00 quatloos and they are sold.

Kirk: We are free people! We belong to no one.

The Providers are amused by Kirk's spirit and 2 and 3 begin to bid that they are untrainable and that they'll be destroyed. 1 accepts it and Kirk and Co's collars are turned red with a cheesy sound effect. Galt tells them that since they are now full-fledged thralls, they'll be killed for disobedience.

Cut to the enterprise!

_((We all know what we're about to see. xD))_

Scotty: Mr. Spock, it just doesn't make any sense they could have gone this far! If there's any chance at all, it's to continue to search in the area they were lost.

_((Scotty has joined McCoy in the nagging spouse club, apparently.)) _

Spock: We searched the area.

_((He's so done with their whining.))_

Scotty: It's always possible to miss something!

Spock: Such as a failure in the transporter mechanism.

_((Ohhhhh, want some Aloe Vera to go on that burn?))_

Scotty says there wasn't a failure for the fifty-billionth time and Spock says they weren't on Gamma II for the fifty-billionth time and McCoy, being the ray of sunshine he is, says it's ridiculous to think they could still be alive.

Spock: In that case Doctor, we have nothing to lose by pursuing our present course.

_((Translation: SO QUIT FUCKING NAGGING ME.))_

Cut to Kirk jogging shirtless with Shahna.

_((Am I the only one who enjoys the sight of him shirtless and in that black harness? Owww, owww!))_

Kirk: Slow down, slow down! Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

_((Oh, God. Guys, he's repeating again.))_

Kirk wants a break since they've ran two straight miles. Shahna seems confused at first, but then says they can take a break if he's tired. She clearly isn't tired.

_((Ha! And she ran the whole way in Go Go boots.))_

Kirk starts chatting her up again, trying to ask her questions about the providers, like why they're such sick sadists.

Shahna: That is the way.

Kirk asks if they're computers, but she doesn't know what that means. She says that the providers don't have bodies. Kirk asks where they are, since it's just kind of a barren wasteland with a few remnants of brick structures. She says it isn't used but he continues to ask about it.

Kirk: Shahna. Could it have been a city for the providers?

Shahna: I do not think it is well to ask such things.

Kirk: But they do have bodies, or did have?

Shahna: One does not talk of such things.

Kirk: Uh… It's very pretty country.

_((You can see Kirk switching tactics through this scene. The flirting is difficult because she doesn't seem to understand, but she won't answer his questions point-blank because it isn't allowed.))_

Kirk: Very much like my home planet Earth.

_((So now he's going to try and interest her with what's beyond Triskelion. And flirt a little more. No, this doesn't weaken Spirk. Ulterior motives, helloooo. And even if he does think she's cute, that doesn't mean he doesn't want Spock. Having a love interest for a couple of hours doesn't have anything to do with Spock, who is light years away.))_

Shahna: Planet?

Kirk: Where I was born.

_((He's standing right behind her while talking. I'd be won over too.))_

Kirk then starts touching her and talking about the stars. She thinks that they're just lights but he starts telling her that they are actually planets and people live on them. He says that this is the darkest place he's ever seen and she takes it literally and is understandably confused.

Kirk: The thralls have no freedom, Shahna! You don't think or do anything but what the providers tell you!

Shahna: What else would one do?

Kirk: Love… for one thing.

_((Aaaaand he goes in for the kill. It's okay for us to swoon, promise.))_

Shahna: What is love?

_((Spirk.))_

Kirk: Love… is the most important thing on Earth. Especially to a man and a woman.

_((Okay, I know this line sounds a little homophobic. This was the sixties, though. They couldn't just say 'To anyone who wants to love!' However, it isn't as bad as it could be.))_

Shahna: We, too, have mates. When it is time to increase the herd, my provider will select one for me.

Kirk: On Earth, we select our own mate. Someone we care for. On Earth, men and women live together, help each other, make each other happy.

_((Again. Not as homophobic as it could be. It's a little bit vague, and it gives a little bit of room to the idea of it not just being between men and women. Again, sixties. People would have had heart attacks if Kirk had said, "Yeah, I've actually got the hots for my male first officer.")) _

Shahna: I do not think your words are allowed!

She leaves and so does the dramatic swell of romantic music.

Kirk: All right. All right.

He follows her and stops her, then asks her to tell him about the providers again. She admits she hasn't seen them but people say they aren't like them. She starts to tell him where they stay, but her collar begins to glow and she starts choking violently. Kirk grabs a hold of her and yells for the providers to stop.

Kirk: Stop it! I'm responsible! I made her talk! Stop it! You're killing her!

_((Hahaha, the way this line is delivered. Priceless.))_

Kirk continues to plead with the providers as Shahna lies on the ground choking and gasping.

Provider 1: Is that what you humans call compassion? It is interesting, but it has no value here. You present many interesting aspects, Captain, but you must learn obedience. Then you will be an excellent thrall.

Kirk goes to Shahna and holds her. The choking finally stops and she grabs onto him, trying to regain her breath. She's crying and Kirk comforts her because he has a soul.

Shahna: You—you risked bringing their anger on yourself. Why did you do it?

Kirk: It's the custom of my people to help one another when we're in trouble.

He then kisses her and she kisses him back.

_((Wouldn't you?))_

Shahna: And this… Is this also helping?

Kirk: You could call it that.

_((HOLY CHRIST ON A CRACKER. HERE WE GO WITH HELPING AGAIN. I know it's probably completely unrelated, but you know the whole "let me help" thing between him and Spock. Please somebody go write a fanfic, like now.))_

Shahna: Please… help me once again.

_((She doesn't say this flirtatiously. She wants him to kiss her but she doesn't really understand it. That's the thing about Shahna; she doesn't understand anything. She's been a slave her entire life with no exposure to anything else. She's sweet. That doesn't mean her and Kirk's wedding bells are ringing.))_

He kisses her again.

Shahna: I did not know… I did not know it could be like this between people.

_((HA! SHE SAYS PEOPLE! WAY TO GO GENDER NEUTRALITY!))_

Shahna: Is it always so in the place you come from?

Galt fills in for Spock and ruins the moment between Kirk and Shahna. He appears out of nowhere and tells Kirk that he and Shahna won't be punished, but that they have to return to the quarters.

Cut to the enterprise!

McCoy and Scotty are pacing together in solidarity. Spock wants to go faster than warp 6 and Scotty says they've already gone too far.

McCoy: He's right, Spock. We've lost Jim and the others back on Gamma II, now you've dragged us out here a dozen light years on some wild hunch—

Spock: Doctor, I do not respond to hunches. No transporter malfunction was responsible for the disappearance. They were not within the Gamma system. A focused beam of extremely high-intensity light was directed into the Gamma system from the trinary system we are now approaching. No known natural phenomena could have caused that beam. Does that clarify the situation?

McCoy: No, it doesn't, Mr. Spock! It's still a fancy way of saying that you're playing a hunch! Well, my hunch is that they're back on Gamma II, dead or alive, and I still want another search!

Scotty: Doctor McCoy speaks for me, too, Sir.

_((God. If I were Spock, I'd be SO over their shit.))_

Spock: I see.

Spock gets up and decides to give it to them once more with feeling. Or, no feeling, I suppose if we're being technical.

Spock: Gentlemen. I am in command of this vessel and we shall continue on our present course, unless it is your intention to declare a mutiny.

_((I heart you, Spock.))_

Scotty: Mr. Spock, who said anything about a mutiny?

McCoy: You stubborn pointy eared…

McCoy and Scotty FINALLY give in and agree to quit their bitching after Spock promises another search on Gamma II if this doesn't go anywhere, and Scotty agrees to warp 7.

_((Omg. How many times have we seen this now? Poor Spock. He wants his cap'n back too. ): ))_

Cut back to Kirk in his cell and Shahna bringing him food. She's bothered because he made her feel things she isn't used to and doesn't understand. Kirk kisses her again and she kisses back despite being confused. Then he knocks her out. He apologies, even though she's unconscious, and lays her down gently.

_((Ulterior motives what? Ulterior motives who? Yeah, he cares about her, but it's in a general sense in that she's a nice person and deserves better than the life she has. He hardly knows her. He's not in love with her. He may have enjoyed kissing her, but there was also something to be gained from it. Man, Kirk's just such a playboy. Kissing girls with ulterior motives and wanting better lives for them, god. He's just a playa. *rolls eyes*))_

Kirk takes her key and breaks out of his cell then goes and lets Chekov and Uhura out. They've also taken care of their drill sergeants.

_((They all make such a great team. (: ))_

They make it back to the tacky landing pad and Galt is waiting there and starts to choke them again.

_((Kirk still isn't wearing a shirt. Just saying.))_

Cut back to the enterprise! Spock has found the planet and he's found the concentration of life forms as well. He declares there isn't going to be a landing party, because that would endanger Kirk and would just be plain illogical. McCoy gets all huffy, and Spock just kind of ignores him.

McCoy: It might just be a wild goose chase like we've been telling you.

Spock actually sighs.

Spock: I will beam down, Doctor.

_((Anything would be better than having this conversation again.))_

Spock: If I'm unable to communicate, a landing party may be necessary.

McCoy: Well, Mr. Spock, if you're going into the lion's den, you'll need a medical officer.

_((Awww.))_

Spock: Daniel, as I recall, had only his faith. But I welcome your company, Doctor.

_((Awwwwwww.))_

Spock gives command to Scotty and he and McCoy try to leave, but DUN DUN DUN! The Providers stop them!

Provider 1: No Mr. Spock, you will not leave the ship. None of your control systems will operate.

McCoy: What the Devil's going on?

Back on the Triskelion, Kirk hears this commotion and looks up.

Kirk: Spock? Spock! Spock!

_((I'd just like to point out that he yells Spock's name even though McCoy was the one who spoke. Not trying to prove anything, just saying.)) _

Kirk: Welcome to Triskelion, gentlemen. By now, it must be obvious to you that you have been expected.

The ship isn't working, thanks to the providers. Kirk and Provider 1 both kind of explain to the Enterprise what is going on.

Kirk tries to bate the providers into showing themselves and they finally agree and pop him underground to where they are. The providers are actually just three glowing brains. They're the same colours as the ones that appear on the collars and they fluctuate as they talk. Basically, they've gone to the highest level of evolution and don't need bodies anymore.

Kirk: A species that enslaves other beings is… hardly superior, mentally or otherwise.

_((I love this show so much.))_

The glowing brains tell Kirk that the games are the only thing that gives them purpose.

_((o.O))_

Kirk: It's an unproductive purpose, unworthy of your intellect.

Provider: We use only inferior beings.

Kirk: We have found that all life forms in the galaxy are capable of superior development. Perhaps you're not as evolved as you believe.

_((Kirk- 1, Providers- 0))_

Provider: An interesting speculation Captain, you and your people are most challenging.

The providers are still set that the humans have to be destroyed. Sigh. Kirk goes along to Plan B.

Kirk: Our destruction will only result in your own. You may control the enterprise, but you cannot match the force of the entire federation.

Provider: Your ship will be destroyed by a magnetic storm. No communications with your base will be possible. Your fate will remain a mystery to your people.

Kirk: You call yourselves superior! You're murderers without the spirit to really wager for the lives you take!

_((Hilarious close up. Omg.))_

Provider: Wager? Explain yourself?

Kirk: My people pride themselves on being the greatest, most successful gamblers in the universe. We compete for everything—power, fame, women, everything we desire and it is our nature to win.

Kirk then proceeds to wager that his people can overcome an equal number of thralls, and the providers can pick the weapons. The providers begin to bet quatloos on them but Kirk's having none of it. Kirk says that they can't waiver for something as small as quatloos. Kirk says that if he wins, the Enterprise can leave and the thralls are freed, and the providers will have to educate them to govern themselves. Kirk says that if he loses, he and all his crew will remain there forever.

The providers say they will accept his conditions if he alone goes up against the other three contestants. Kirk says the terms are unfair but it's either that or, you know, death, so he agrees.

He's beamed back up to the tacky landing pad and since the providers are so generous, they're allowing the enterprise to watch the match on the viewing screen.

_((How many times has the crew watched Captain Kirk fight for his life on the viewing screen? There was that one time with the gorn…))_

Kirk's three opponents have been chosen and the providers give rules. He has to kill the thrall to remove them. If they're only injured, they will be replaced. Kirk agrees.

McCoy: What in heaven's name is this?

Scotty: Heaven's got very little to do with this.

On Triskelion, the fighting begins. Kirk has a harpoon and he's fighting Lars, saber toothed caveman and a knight.

Saber toothed caveman is the first to die.

Lars is the second.

This leaves Kirk alone with the knight. Kirk incapacitates him with a ninja throw, but before anything else can happen, Shahna is sent in to replace him.

_((Oh no!))_

She's pissed as hell, which is understandable considering Kirk kissed her then knocked her out.

Shahna: You lied! Everything you said…

Kirk clearly doesn't want to hurt her and is choosing defense rather than offence. He has a knife to her throat twice but can't bring himself to kill her. The second time he holds the knife to her neck, she says that the thralls surrender.

Provider: Captain, you have won, unfortunately. However, your terms will be honoured.

The providers allow everybody to remove their collars. Kirk has never looked so sexy.

The providers agree to train the thralls.

Kirk: I'm sorry, Shahna. I didn't lie. I did what was necessary. Someday I hope you'll understand.

_((This is a very accurate description. Thumbs up. Kirk didn't want to hurt her, but his first responsibility is to his ship and that man on the bridge. Heart heart.))_

Shahna: I understand… a little.

_((I am a devout K/S shipper of course, but I actually quite like Shahna. She wasn't just an unnecessary lady of the hour, she was important to the plot and she's sweet. She just wants to learn. I think that she's cute.))_

Shahna: You will leave us now?

Kirk: Yes.

Shahna: To go back to the lights in the sky?

Kirk: Yes.

Shahna: I would like to go to those lights with you. Take me.

_((Awww. I think she's super cute. She's so bright eyed and sincere.))_

Kirk: I can't.

Shahna: Then teach me how and I will follow you.

_((This isn't as weird as it looks on paper. She just wants to experience wonders, a life off Triskelion. Kirk has shown her more wonders in a few hours than she's experienced in her life and all he's done is kiss her and talk to her about the stars.))_

Kirk: There's so much you must learn here first. The Providers will teach you. Learn it, Shahna. All your people must learn before you can reach for the stars.

_((This is so inspiring.))_

Kirk: Shahna…

He gives her a kiss and touches her face.

_((This kiss is significantly sweeter than the other ones. What is it we know about, Kirk? Sweet is affection, sucking face isn't?))_

Kirk then joins Uhura and Chekov and they all beam up to the Enterprise.

Shahna watches and walks to where they stood. Galt and Tamoon join her. She cries while she looks up to the stars and says "Goodbye Jim Kirk. I will learn… and watch the lights in the sky… and remember."

_((Again, it's not as weird as it looks. He inspired her. He gave all these people an opportunity to make lives for themselves. It's just nice.))_

THE END!

_((Okay, so this wasn't the slashiest episode ever, but it had its moments, don't you think? We got a lot of shirtless Kirk, and his fling was sweet, and we got to laugh at a few of those Enterprise scenes that were all the freaking same. It could've been worse. xD))_

**Up Next:** "Obsession" 


End file.
